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Seek first to understand, then to be understood
Today I kick off our Managing Up series by discussing mindset. Mindset is all about your frame of mind when approaching a situation. This is particularly important when interacting with a new boss or colleagues. You want to start the relationship off on a positive note and demonstrate how you will fit in with the team and add value to your new organization.
Consider for a moment how you want others to view you and how you will make a positive and lasting first impression. Attitude or mindset will have a big impact here. When we are open to the ideas of others, we have a greater capacity to develop relationships, influence others, learn and grow. This is a Learner’s Mindset. When we approach a situation with a closed mindset, we are closed off from growth and developing relationships with others because we are locked in our own mind about “how things aught to be”. This is known as a Judging Mindset.
A Learner’s Mindset is listening to understand. Seems simple, but all too often we approach a situation with preconceived ideas or our own history in front of us which sets us on auto drive following a script of how we think things should go. We use a judging mindset, we forget to stop and listen, I mean really listen to what others are saying before we react. If we fall into a judging mindset trap, we stop listening which hinders our ability to develop relationships and build rapport with a new boss and colleagues.
A Learner’s Mindset is all about approaching a situation as though it has possibility and potential. What does that look like? It means approaching a conversation with a new co-worker, a discovery interview with a new colleague, or a meeting with your boss, from the mindset of this is a learning moment and I will learn something from this interaction. To do this, put away your experience or judgement and approach it with curiosity which is meant to help you understand the situation and the people better. Seek first to understand all that you can about the situation before moving forward with presenting your ideas or opinion.
Judging Mindset: Win-lose, Judgemental, Cynical, Know-it-all, Mistakes are bad Learner Mindset: Unlimited possibilities, Curious, Open-minded, Accepting, Mistakes are opportunities
Consider how these two very opposite mindsets impact us at work. If we approach using the judging mindset, we may be pushing people away from us because we are not open to their ideas - we feel our idea is the only one that matters or that we are right. However, the new employee with a Learner’s Mindset will rapidly learn more about the organization if they approach every interaction with curiosity and seeking to learn more. By being open-minded to listening to what others are saying, you will develop relationships faster and build vital relationship capital.
A Learner’s Mindset leads to collaboration, building trust, open two-way dialogue and relationships that will enhance your career. It is not just about being curious though, it is about leaning in, showing genuine interest, and making authentic comments to build on ideas with your own. To be clear, a Learner’s Mindset does not mean putting your ideas on hold but rather means seeking to understand someone else before putting forth your own ideas. It also does not mean agreeing with everything but rather seeking to genuinely understand before building on someone’s ideas or putting forward new ideas. By taking a Learner’s Mindset approach you will be seen as an engaged new employee who values collaboration and is a team player!
Tips:
If you like to jump in and give advice/share your opinion right away in a conversation, make yourself ask three questions/acknowledgements before you put your ideas forward. Sometimes a new employee feels they need to prove themselves right away but by slowing down and focusing on learning and understanding you are setting the foundation for who you are (a team player, highly collaborative, curious and engaged).
Questions to consider asking:
Tell me more about that…
What was that like for the team?
How did you go about doing that?
Sounds like there were some bumps along the way, how can I avoid those?
How did that align with the organization’s objectives?
What did you do to collaborate with others across the organization?
Engage active listening skills: lean forward into the conversation, reflect back what you are hearing, use verbal and non-verbal cues to demonstrate you are listening (nod, smile, etc.)
Remember, body language speaks louder than words, ensure your body language says “I’m open and curious” and not “I’m impatient and want you to finish talking so I can share my idea”
Drop me a line and share what you have learned about mindset in Managing Up!
Coming soon: Speed reading others, how to build rapport quickly with your new supervisor and team.